An inclusive matching process ensures that both au pairs and host families feel safe, respected, and comfortable being their authentic selves. Here's how to foster a supportive interview environment that allows both parties to identify shared values, embrace each other’s differences, and discover a strong host family-au pair connection.
1. Be aware of your own unconscious bias
Unconscious bias refers to automatic, unintentional judgments or stereotypes we make based on someone’s race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, weight, age, and more. "As a host family searching for your au pair, unconscious bias is almost certainly at play—it’s impossible to eliminate it entirely," explains Sharlice Powell, Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging (DEIB) Captain at Cultural Care Au Pair. "However, there are ways to interrupt unconscious bias during the matching process, just like in any other setting."
The first step to disrupting unconscious bias is to become mindful of the thoughts that arise as you review an au pair’s profile. What makes you more interested in certain candidates and why do you overlook others? Reflective questions, like the ones below, can help you identify internal biases and bring greater awareness to your decision-making process:
• How does an au pair’s nationality influence my level of interest?
• Am I making assumptions based on an au pair’s appearance?
• Am I dismissing candidates because of their gender, religion, age, or other factors?
Once you’re more aware of these biases, you can begin to challenge them and focus on what truly matters in a match: the au pair’s experience, qualifications, and personality.
2. Voice your commitment to inclusion
Au pairs are increasingly aware of how issues like social injustice, racism, and politics impact society—both in their home countries and in the U.S.—and they want to understand their prospective host families’ views on these matters. Cultural Care Matching Specialist Raphael Fonseca notes, "During the interview process, it’s becoming more common for au pairs to ask host families about their stance on these issues and the actions they’re taking in response. Be prepared for deeper conversations."
Raphael encourages families not only to be ready to discuss these important topics but to proactively share their perspectives as well.
One way to do this is by including pertinent information in your host family profile. For example, adding photos of your family at a Pride event shows that you support the LGBTQ+ community. Making your commitment to inclusion very clear in your profile helps au pairs feel much more at ease with your family and comfortable asking follow-up questions they might have during the interview process.
Future host mom Melissa, an LGBTQ+ ally and advisor to her school’s Pride Club, suggests incorporating personal pronouns into your standard self-introduction as a way to foster inclusivity. "The more normalized this practice becomes, the safer the space for everyone to share their pronouns," Melissa explains.
Host mom Melissa suggests making your personal pronouns part of your introduction to au pair candidates.
3. Review your interview questions
When interviewing au pairs, it’s important to ensure your questions are inclusive of different sexual orientations, socioeconomic backgrounds, religions, and more.
For example, Swedish au pair Ebba, who identifies as LGBTQ+, appreciated that her host family used inclusive language when asking about her personal life. Instead of assuming she had a boyfriend, they asked, “Do you have a partner?” and “Are you in a relationship?”—a small but meaningful shift that made her feel respected.
Another common interview area to reconsider is assessing a candidate’s maturity or independence. Families often ask if an au pair has lived away from home or traveled abroad, but for many au pairs, these opportunities might not have been accessible due to financial limitations. Instead, you could ask more specific questions, like: “Do you manage your own laundry?”, “Do you cook your meals?”, or “How independent would you say you are on a scale of 1–10?” These questions allow au pairs to demonstrate independence without focusing on experiences that might not have been feasible for them.
Asking about holiday traditions should also be done with inclusivity in mind. Instead of asking, “How do you celebrate Christmas?”—which may not apply to non-Christian au pairs—try, “What’s your favorite holiday?” This open-ended question gives candidates the space to share their traditions and feel more comfortable discussing their beliefs.
When Swedish au pair Ebba was interviewing host families, she appreciated when they asked about a "partner" vs a "boyfriend"
4. Ask questions and be curious
California host mom Claire offers simple but valuable advice on fostering inclusivity: “Ask questions. Be curious about their lives and take the time to listen to their stories. Doing that can go a very long way.”
By taking the time to truly get to know an au pair and understanding who they are, you’ll find it easier to assess if they’re the right fit for your family. Inclusivity during the interview process goes beyond being respectful—it’s about being open to all candidates. At the heart of cultural exchange is the opportunity to learn from each other’s differences. Welcoming someone with a unique background and fresh perspective into your home can enrich your family’s experience.
Host mom Claire suggests that being generally curious and asking questions during an interview can go a long way toward making au pairs feel comfortable and accepted for who they are.