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When you invite an au pair into your home, you’re gaining more than just a reliable caregiver—you’re welcoming a new family member. Hosting an au pair is a unique experience that’s all about connection, cultural exchange, and shared family life.
We asked experienced host families to share their top advice for those considering the program, and what we heard was clear: treating your au pair like family is the key to a positive and fulfilling experience for everyone. Read on to discover the heartfelt advice from real families who have created lasting bonds with their au pairs.
Treat your au pair like a son or daughter
“An au pair is an added daughter or son to your household. Listen to what they tell you about your children; you may learn some fun things! Encourage your au pair to enjoy their off time both at home with the family and scheduling adventures with friends.” —Kristen Walker, CA
Be patient and make time for bonding activities
“Be patient, proactive, and kind. Au pairs join our families at a pivotal time in their young lives. They’re not quite kids but not yet full adults. It’s exciting to be part of this amazing journey. I learned not to make assumptions and ask lots of questions. Playing card or board games can show you how much risk they’re willing to take and how they handle stress and disappointment. It’s also an excellent bonding activity for the whole family.” —Vera Sell, OR
Show daily care and attention
“Make your au pair feel like part of the family, and they will truly feel like one. Ask them how she’s doing each day, ensure they have what they need, and, when things are stressful, figure out what you can do to make them feel at home.” —Margaret Kepler, NH
Remember they’ll give back tenfold
“Treat your au pair like family, and they will give back tenfold! Look for someone who matches your family well. Just have fun with them, and treat them like you’d want someone to treat your child. Au pairs are great individuals with hopes and dreams for their experience in the U.S. Help make those dreams come true!” —Dale & Nancy Pijut, IL
Think of them as an extended family member
“It’s essential to think of an au pair as an extended family member rather than a babysitter. Our au pair helps with the children, but we also care for her to help her feel at home away from home. Don’t forget—once, we were 20 too!” —Carola Sekreter, OH
Set clear expectations and include them in family life
“Treat your au pair as a family member. Include them in activities, and remember that their far from home and looking to feel cared for. Clearly outline your rules and expectations at the start, and revisit them if needed. Don’t ask your au pair to do things you wouldn’t do, like stay home for 10 hours straight without any planned activities. They’re human, just like us.” —Kathleen Moffatt, WA
As many host families have discovered, the secret to a rewarding au pair experience lies in embracing the "au pair"—or “on par” spirit—of the program. By treating your au pair as a true family member—someone valued, included, and respected—you can build a relationship that’s meaningful and lasting. In the end, hosting an au pair isn’t just about daily support; it’s about creating memories and connections that will be cherished long after the program ends.
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